For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband by Tony Evans Pt1

Before Steve and I got married, I thought that it would be really easy to honor my wonderful soon-to-be husband. Boy was I ever wrong! I quickly learned that Steve was wonderful but some of his decisions weren't. That's when I decided I would become the "head" of the family and he would be the "neck". Little did I know that this would hurt our relationship much more deeply than I was hurt by his decisions. It hurt our marriage for the first three months we were married. It finally all came crashing down one day in late January. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I was scared and frankly I wanted out of our marriage because I didn't want Andrew to be affected by his Dad's decisions. As I talked with my parents about the situation it became very clear that it wouldn't be just his Dad's decision, but it would be my decision to leave his dad that would affect him the most! After thinking it through, I knew it would be foolish to follow through on my feelings and that I needed to start making some changes in my own life.

The last few months have been very peaceful which has been such a blessing, but at the same time I find myself still trying to take control. A dear friend of ours gave me a gift card to a local Christian book store here in Billings. One day, I decided to stop by and look around to see if I could find anything that I was interested in. I found myself in the "Marriage" section of the books. I don't know why I was there because in my mind everything was going great. God was pushing me to go out of my comfort zone and try to find something that would help me in my marriage. You see, I have been trying to get Steve to change, but I was getting nowhere except in my relationship with the Lord. I stumbled across this book "For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband". I started to skim through it and really liked what I saw. Needless to say, I grabbed the book off the self and took it to the register. I wasn't home long before I opened the book up with my highlighter in hand.

The first chapter is on "The Skill of Submission". Ouch! Did this ever get my attention. If I could pick anything that I need to fix the most in our marriage it would most definitely be submitting to Steve and let him take the lead. Even though I knew deep down inside of my selfish heart that a wife is commanded to respect her husband even if he hasn't earned that respect in her mind. In my eyes, Steve is far from this, but I also knew that I was far from being godly and respectful wife.

Here are some points that Mr. Evans talked about that really caught my attention:

• A woman who tries to take charge of her marriage is trampling on the respect that she owes to her husband through God's command to her. I have definitely been doing this to Steve. 
• Our husbands need to hear us say: "I respect you!" This one is so hard for me to say.
• Submission is only a bad idea when it's used in an arena where we don't want it to appear. But it is God's idea, so it can't be bad. God, if you only knew my husband you would understand why it is hard to submit to him!
• The biblical word "submission" means "to line up underneath". It's a voluntary word, and act of the will. In other words, we Must choose to submit. No thanks God! I like being on top and being in charge.
• God tells wives to submit to their husbands "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22) A wife may choose to reject that word, but that decision will put her and her marriage on a "collision course" with God's principles. This is what was happening to us. I wasn't wanting to submit to the Lord or to Steve and I was heading down hill fast. 
• When we line up in obedience under God's Word, we please Him and open our lives to His blessing. I was starting to notice this as I was being more and more willing to submit to God and was receiving some wonderful blessings by doing so. 
• Ladies, what your husband needs and craves from you more than anything else is respect. While you love to hear, "I love you," we men want and need to hear, "I respect you." God, help me to tell Steve this daily! 
• Without respect, men shrivel up and die. Showing respect to your husband is not optional, just as his responsibility to love you with Christlike love is not optional it is a command and a matter of obedience. I was starting to see this happen to Steve where he was just giving in to me. 
• 1 Peter 3:1-2: "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" 
• Ephesians 5:22-33. Peter reinforced Paul by indicating that the primary way a wife respects her husband is through her submission. 
• "Chaste and respectful behavior," which basically involves a wife's godly attitude that can draw an unbelieving husband to Christ without her having to preach to him, continually criticize his lifestyle, or pin Bible verses to his pillow at night. Even though Steve believes, I still don't need to preach to him or criticize him! 
• It takes respect for a wife to forego criticizing or manipulating her husband even when she has a valid point. Ouch!
• The biblical doctrine of submission has nothing to do with how much clout a wife brings to the table as opposed to her husband, or who has the stronger personality. To submit is to recognize that God has given the wife the yield sign.  God has given me the yield sign and I need to let him work in Steve. 
• Men and women have equal worth in God's eyes. I can stop competing with Steve because I am equal in God's sight.
•  The Proverbs 31 woman used her considerable skills in such a way that they enhanced her husband in his role instead of usurping him or tearing him down. Her husband benefited from his wife's ministry. Help me of Lord to build Steve up instead of tearing him down. 
• Ephesians 5:24 "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." The Bible says that wives are to submit to their husbands in every area of life. 
• Submission has to do with function, not being. It does not signify that a wife is inferior to her husband in terms of her worth before God.
• A home is not designed to function with two heads, just as a human body is not meant to have two heads. Help me to be the body and not the head.
• The job of the head is to give guidance and direction to the body. 
• A wife who refuses to follow her husband's leadership is spiritually sick because she in not functioning in line with a body's relationship to its head. Some Christian women are not getting their prayers answered or seeing God move in their lives as a direct result of their refusal to submit to their husbands. 
• When the Devil persuaded Eve to act as the head and make the decision to disobey God and Adam acted as the body by following Eve in her sin. But don't miss the fact that Satan engineered a great reversal, leading Adam and Eve to switch roles. 
• A woman only who wants to be the head of her home invites the Devil to take over her family. Please help me to change!
• A wife is to look to her husband for direction the way a body looks to its head. 
• God calls the wife to recognize and honor that position. Help me to do this daily! 
• A wife owes her husband respect because he is her head by God's design. I really need Steve to lead me! 
• God doesn't need you to be your husband's critic, his conscience, or his mother. Neither does he need you to sit down, fold your arms, and say, "Okay, that's it. I'm not going to do what I'm supposed to do until my husband starts doing what he's supposed to do." I need to be changing daily even if Steve doesn't change.
• "Without a word" is an idiom that means "don't preach at your husband." It doesn't mean you can't communicate your concerns. Do it in a way that doesn't bring him down
• Christian wife, don't ever think that God isn't interested in brining your unsaved or spiritually weak husband into line. God doesn't need me to interfere. 
• A wife who rebels against her head is only introducing a new element of spiritual sickness and dysfunction into the family. 
• What a stalled car needs is someone to assist it in moving. That's what God has given to husbands in their wives. God calls a wife to be her husband's helper, to urge and encourage him along in the task of leading his marriage and his home. 
• What I need to tell Steve daily!!! " I am sorry for disrespecting you, and for talking to you disrespectfully in front of the children. I have been unwilling to serve you in the way God expects me to, and I have used your weaknesses as my excuse for not submitting to your leadership. 
• Women who don't really believe that God can change their husbands through the Holy Spirit's work figure it's now their job, so they are going to help God out. I need to let God take full control and just watch Him lead Steve. 
• God says, "I want you to soar on the wind of the Holy Spirit. Position yourself in Me, and let Me glide your marriage into a changed relationship." When you are doing it God's way, you don't have to flap because you can soar.  What freedom I have if, I do it God's way! 

I can't wait to finish this book and reflect on it! 

Changes

These last few months have been filled with so many changes! It is hard to believe that so much time has flown by since January. Since then, we have been getting ready for Andrew, but most of all Steve and I have been working on our relationship. You really don't get to know someone till you marry him/her. I thought Steve was this wonderful guy and never did any wrong. Boy, was i ever shocked! I'm sure he was, too!

In early March, my doctor was able to put me back on an anti-depressant which has helped with all of my emotions and some of the feelings i dealt with back in high school and a little bit my first year in college. Even though it is nice having something that helps even me out, I know that God has been working in me to help me trust Him more and more every day. Mom has encouraged me for a very long time to do my devotions on a regular basis, but of course Satan didn't want any of it. Recently, I have been enjoying reading in "Jesus Calling: by Sarah Young each morning. Everyday when I read, I find that it directly applies to my life and what I'm struggling with that particular day. For example: one day it was talking about trusting in God and saying "Jesus, I trust you!" That has been my constant reminder that God will get Steve, Andrew and I through whatever trials we are in.

Steve and I have had some amazing talks in the past few months. It is so nice to be married to by my best friend. Last night at dinner my dad asked who our hero was and why and with out even having to think about it, I was able to say it was Steve. He has been my rock over these past few months. He also has been dealing with a lot of pressure from work. I am so proud to have a husband who can be under a lot of stress, but comes home every night with a cheerful attitude and asks if there is anything for him to do around the house. Since early August, he has been struggling with back pain. He never complains about it, but is honest when it really hurts. I admire how no matter what the situation is he never lets it show how much it is bothering him, or how scared he might be. I love when he talks to Andrew and reads to him every night! He gets such a huge smile on his face. He reminds me of a little boy at Christmas and can't wait to see what the package is.

My church Rocky put on a baby shower for Andrew and I. I felt so blessed with how many people showed up and with all of the presents we received. We got all of our big items like our jogging stroller and our highchair. We have tons of baby clothes ranging from 0 to 18 months. Steve and I are getting so excited to meet our Monkey! We are having him induced on the 14th which is so nice! We are so glad that Grandpa Sande will be able to meet his first grandchild. Grandma and Grandpa Jones are so excited that their baby son  will be having a son, too. I love how our parents are so excited to meet him. What I love the most is when my mom talks to Andrew and tells him all sort of things. I can't wait to play with my little man all the time and teach him about God's world. Steve and I are so excited that this will be our last weekend with just us and next weekend we will have our son! Wow! I'm still in shock that the time is almost here.

We are so blessed with what God is doing in our lives and can't wait to see what the future has for us! Keep us in your prayers as we enter this new journey together. I am so glad that I married Steve and that we have been growing together in these last few months.